Gonna Miss This

I have heard this song on the radio three times in the past week, and it has really summed up what I'm feeling right now. Kind of weird since it is an older song, but I just keeping hearing it!

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I remember when I was in grade school and high school seemed so far away.

I remember one of my grade school teachers telling my math class about how we would all be reunited our senior year in BC Calculus.

I remember starting freshman year, thinking high school would never end and feeling as if I had all the time in the world.

I remember my freshman English teacher telling us about a huge paper his seniors write every year and how we would be those seniors eventually.

I remember being so excited for my senior prom when I left my junior prom last year.

I remember my teachers telling us at the beginning of the year about reviewing for the AP tests that seemed so far off in the future.

And now high school is almost over. I'm taking BC Calculus. I don't have much time left. I just wrote that 21 page English essay. Prom is this Friday. AP reviewing is under way and final exams start next week for me.

As I type this post (I wrote this a few days before I'm publishing it), I am babysitting while the girl I babysit has a few friends over. I can hear them laughing and giggling in the next room. I don't think I've seen little girls play together since I was the little girl. They're planning a sleepover and playing on the iPad (which didn't even exist when I was young!). I wish they knew to cherish the times when they are little since they go by so fast. I know that in the blink of an eye they'll be the ones getting ready to graduate from high school, and I'll just be old :)

For some reason last week I was hit with reality. I truly began to realize that some of my school friends will be people I don't see that often anymore.

We were talking at lunch the other day about where everyone is going to college. I love the girls I eat lunch with, but I don't necessarily hang out with all of them on the weekends. We went around the table and shared our plans for next year. We're all going to different schools in different states. South Carolina, Illinois, Kentucky, Michigan. Things are changing. Big time.

I was sitting in my Stats class the other day and it was just a gorgeous day outside. The sun was shining, the flowers were blooming, and the leaves on the trees were blowing in the wind. I remember staring out that window in December, when time didn't seem to be running so low. I looked around the classroom and out the window, and kind of formed a mental picture. I tend to do that sometimes. If I'm in a moment I don't want to forget, I'll take a mental picture to go back and remember it. I have made lots of these over the years, especially in the last few months.

My friends are leaving. I may never see some of the teachers who have had such a big impact on my life ever again. I'd be lying if I said that I haven't been struggling with coming to grips with this reality, and I'm actually tearing up as I write those last few sentences.

I don't know what the future holds, but I know that I'm sad to see high school go. But honestly, I'm thankful for the sadness. If my high school experience had been filled with sad, lonely memories then I'd be excited to see it end. Instead, I know that I'll look back on my high school days with fond memories.

I'm excited and sad about the next few weeks. I know I'll make great memories with my friends at prom and graduation. We'll celebrate finishing our AP exams and Senior Projects. But I know this time will be a little bittersweet. At the same time though, I have a great summer planned with friends and family.

In the end, everything will be alright. I just have a good feeling about it despite my little bit of sadness.

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